Finding a way to talk about your mental health with those closest to you can be incredibly challenging.
While the stigma surrounding mental health has come a long way, in some cases there can still be a lack of understanding or even acceptance surrounding mental health, making it hard to be vulnerable around the people in our lives who mean the most to us.
It is likely that for at least a short period, you were the only person aware of your mental state – and that’s okay – but in a lot of cases, it is helpful, or even necessary, to let people in on what we have going on behind the scenes.
The thought of sharing your mental health struggles with friends, family, or coworkers may be intimidating. While there are certainly instances of conscious or unconscious stigma and bias, mental health is a bigger part of daily colloquial language today than it ever has been, which can make the conversation easier.
Deciding to talk about your mental health with others is a personal decision – if you are ready, there are a few steps you can follow to make the process as easy and positive as possible.
Practice what you want to say beforehand
The saying goes ‘practice makes perfect’, and it somewhat holds up in this context. It is unlikely you will need to write and memorize an entire speech (although if that’s how you like to approach things, all power to you!).
However, taking time to think through the key discussion points and the outcome you want before talking to your loved one is a great way to frame up the conversation in your mind and help ease some of the nervousness you may be feeling.
If you are still unsure what to say, it could be worth talking to a mental health professional first or seeking other appropriate mental health resources to help guide you in the right direction.
A few important points you should consider when practicing your conversation:
- Be able to explain your mental health issues clearly, so there is no room for misinterpretation.
- Only share the details you are comfortable with – remember, ‘no’ is a full sentence and you do not need to explain yourself any further.
- Consider whether you are happy for the person to share this information with others, or if you would prefer it remain private.
- Prepare examples of how your mental health has been affecting you, including the impact it is having on your relationships.
- Be clear when you are seeking advice, or when you just want someone to listen.
- Have an exit strategy if the conversation becomes negative or upsetting.
Find the right time and place
Finding the right time and place to talk to people about your mental illness can vary depending on who you are discussing it with.
Your workplace
As part of your rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act, the only time you would be required to disclose your mental health diagnosis is if you want to request accommodations at work.
This may include requests to change your working hours, having additional breaks to help manage energy peaks and declines, or having greater flexibility within the role such as more working from home days.
It is important to consider having this discussion before it begins to impact your role. If you find addressing this with your direct manager difficult, you may want to consider starting with your Human Resources department.
Details you need to disclose would be minimal; share your diagnosis and put in a request for the accommodations you are after. Having documentation of your diagnosis from your doctor handy can speed up the process. To protect yourself, ensure everything with your employer is documented.
The right time to discuss this with your employer is completely up to you, however, if either your work is being affected or your mental health is being affected by work, the sooner you address the issue the sooner you can work towards a resolution that will help you.
Your friends and family
Although you do not have to tell anyone about the state of your mental health, letting friends and family you know and trust can be beneficial. It may reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness, and provide you with additional support.
Having the support of loved ones can also be particularly important when your mental illness requires crisis planning or advance directives, such as for those with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. They can ensure your wishes, finances, and treatment plan are respected in the case of a downward spiral.
When you are ready to talk to your family and friends, determine who you want to talk to and who you don’t – those you believe are more likely to be supportive should be your starting point.
If you can, ensure you are in a good state of mind before starting the conversation – if you are in the middle of a breakdown, it can be difficult to communicate in a calm manner.
Find a location where you can have some privacy, and check if the person has sufficient time to talk, so you are not forced to rush. It is also important to advise them that the conversation is not going to be easy and that there are certain details of the conversation that you may want to keep private.
Be clear about what you want from the conversation
Courses like CACREP accredited online counseling programs prepare professionals to talk about mental health appropriately and eloquently, and it can feel like you need this kind of knowledge to discuss your mental health.
But when it comes to your personal situation, you just need to speak about your experience and what you need — you don’t need to be an expert on all mental health.
It is important, therefore, to be specific. If you just need a listening ear, make that clear from the beginning. If you are after advice, let them know you are happy to hear their thoughts on the matter.
If the conversation you want to have includes a request for help, make sure it is framed in a way that indicates exactly what you need. Examples may be help finding a therapist, assistance getting to and from appointments, or being the person to confide in while feeling anxious.