It is very disheartening to find out that the person who promised to be by your side through thick and thin has been cheating on you. While this list of 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse is not something you would think to be of importance, these can save your marriage from breaking apart (or can save you from a marriage that has no future in reality). It is very tempting to ask for the details, but the answers to such questions would serve no purpose other than deepening your wounds.
Your main aim should be to ask questions that bring out your spouse’s intentions behind cheating on you. So here are the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse:
1. Will you answer all my questions honestly?
You can do the question-answer session with the help of some marriage counseling if your partner is uncooperative. If your spouse does agree to sit down and answer your questions, this is the first one you should be asking. Let them know you don’t want your feelings to be kept to yourself. You want to know the truth because the truth is what would help you move on.
2. How did you allow yourself to cheat on me?
This question helps set their moral compass as a person. If they’ve told themselves it isn’t wrong, or if they try and throw at you the analogy of polygamy, they do not value monogamy at all. Chances are they don’t value you, or emotions of those around them either. However, if their answer reflects grief or difficulty in following through, or if they knew it was wrong, you might be rest assured that the person you’re dealing with is a good human being and seek possible solutions to save your marriage.
3. What is it that you liked about your affair?
Grab yourself a glass of wine as the answer to this question will hit you right where it hurts. Extramarital affairs hurt, they wreck homes. But it is super important to understand what it is that caused your partner to deviate from your marriage. You might discover some elements missing in your marriage, especially something that means a lot to your partner. This could be a need to communicate more, or a love language that you may not have understood. You can then work on inculcating those habits/elements in your love relationship.
Conversely, your partner might simply say that they don’t love you anymore or don’t find you good enough. This is your cue to move on from the marriage because if they don’t love an atom of your existence, there’s nothing you can do to make the marriage work.
4. Did you feel guilty?
You need to know if your unfaithful spouse feels guilty now and if they felt so after the first time they slept with another person. If they didn’t, they don’t respect you and you must end your marriage immediately. However, if they did feel remorse, you can take a chance and blame it on their raging hormones, as cliché as it may sound. After all, they might have had a weak moment, and may genuinely be seeking your forgiveness.
5. What do they know about our relationship?
This will speak volumes about the third person in this situation. Did they know they were destroying a marriage? Did they know about the marital problems you both were going through? This can be especially challenging to handle if the third person belongs to your social circle. They might repeat all your spouse told them to the outside world. You definitely have a right to know how intimate your spouse got with them with your marriage details.
6. What did you do with/for her that you never do with/for me?
Did he get her flowers while he’s never got you a single bud? Was she succumbing to his sexual needs while she refused to do the same things to you? If yes, then my friend, your marriage just died a natural death.
However, if their needs were being met with other partners that you wouldn’t fulfill for your unfaithful partners, you are at fault and should try and work it out slowly.
7. Have you cheated on me before? Have you ever been tempted to do so?
If your partner has cheated before, it is only a matter of time he would do it again. And trust us, it doesn’t get easier to deal with, with time. However, if it’s your spouse’s first time and it’s because the other woman/man is a better listener (which is usually the case in such cases), you have an opportunity right there to save your marriage!
8. Did you talk about a future with them?
If the answer to this is yes, if the unfaithful spouse decides to leave the betrayed partner and marry the affair partner, things start going down the wrong lane. The betrayer is never to be trusted in such a situation which means even if you manage to pull this relationship together for a few years, it won’t last in the long run. They would eventually end up leaving you anyway.
9. How long has this affair been going on for?
The answer to this will explain how involved they were with the other person. If it was a fling of a few short weeks, you still have a chance to save your relationship. If not, it indicates that he/she consciously took this decision and doesn’t care about how you feel. They intend to keep it going with the other person and this is a sure shot sign of a ruined marriage.
10. Do you want to be with her/him?
If your partner says yes to this question, it’s time to move on. The answer to this question will be the ultimate decision maker for your future. If you have to make an exit, it’s time you do it gracefully with the upper hand. If it was an emotional affair rather than simply a physical one, you will probably have to file for a divorce now.
Communication is key, and it is very important you communicate in a certain way so as to not make such delicate situations worse. Cool off your anger before you sit down to have this conversation. Ask each question and take the time to analyze their answers. Before making a decision, make sure you think through it twice.
As Rose Wynter puts it
No woman could love a cheater and not pay the price for it—Rose Wynter
The truth is, whether you are a man or a woman, eventually, you will end up paying the price for continuing a relationship with an infidel spouse.
A lawyer-turned-freelance writer with an impassioned zeal for writing, Shravani writes on all things law while deftly handling diverse non-legal niches as well - from technology, business and entrepreneurship to entertainment, health and nutrition, mindfulness, productivity and more. Content writer and Editor by the day. Dreamer and idea juggler by the night. Foodie, movie buff, bookworm, Chai-holic - not necessarily in that order.