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25+ Sure-Shot Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over You

25+ Sure-Shot Signs Your Ex is Pretending to be Over YouUpdated on March 10, 2021 | Published on January 22, 2021
Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW, Certified Relationship Coach

Signs your ex is pretending to be over you

So, you want to know the Signs your ex is pretending to be over you.

Before we dive into the topic…

I am sorry about your breakup. I know it hurts. TERRIBLY!

…and there’s one part of you that still screams, He is just NOT over you.

While for some cases, it’s true, for others you just want it to be true.

But you won’t know what it is, until you find out.

So, let’s begin!

25 Signs your ex is pretending to be over you


The end of a relationship is extremely brutal and often leaves you clueless and upset. Your family members wonder what is wrong while your mutual friends try to balance the field by being there for you and your ex.

You block each other on social media, delete all chats and photos and even go on a solo trip. Yet, it takes quite some effort to move on, especially if it was a long-term relationship. There also comes a stage when you make your peace with it, even find a rebound relationship but then when you see your ex at a club or at a friend’s wedding, it all comes falling back on your shoulders.

I am sure you’ve felt a sense of doubt whenever you see your all giddy and happy ex after your breakup. You wonder, was I the only one who was crying tears enough to fill a river?

Well, I can understand the battle going on in your head. You get confused about your entire past, thinking if they have moved on so easily or whether they are simply pretending.

Infact, contrary to popular belief, both partners of a relationship take their time to heal their broken hearts. It is just that some people are better at pretending and hiding their true feelings while some simply suck at it.

So, let’s first begin with the boys! Girls, don’t worry, you will be up next…

Signs your ex-girlfriend is pretending to be over you

Girls are difficult to understand, more so, when they are dealing with a crisis.

It’s usually very difficult to give you an accurate judgement about why your ex is behaving a certain way but these few signs will help you identify a familiar ground.

25 Signs your ex is pretending to be over you
Signs your ex-girlfriend is pretending to be over you

1. The body language says it all

A person’s body language can let you have a peak into their heart, especially when it comes to women.

If she still acts a little touchy and puts her hand on your shoulder, she definitely craves your eyes on her. Her long hugs and pats on your back haven’t stopped, even after you told her that you both need your space.

She might not say it and laugh it off when you ask her the truth. But her physical attitude just gives it away, the pretence and the fake act of friendship fail to hold the act of pretence.

2) She tries to make you jealous

If she is pretending to be over you, her entire purpose to go out on dates or to meet you would be to make you jealous. Intentionally or not, her conversations will always hint at what you missed out on.

Your ex might even find a rebound, but she’ll purposely talk about him to you or post photos for you to see. Immediately after a breakup, it makes sense, to test the waters and use jealousy, if she wants to get back.

Yet, in the times after, it can be a toxic environment and you should be running away as fast as possible.

3) She’s acting extra happy

You’ve been her partner for a few months or more. You are the person who knows what makes her smile, laugh or even cry.

When she starts acting extra giddy all the time, you’ll know something is wrong. If you think this has to do with you, you are on the right path.

All she’s trying to do is be deceptive and hide her true emotions. From daily dinner dates to random trips, while on one hand, she’ll try to stay away from you but on the other, she’ll keep reminding you about her ‘happy’ life without you.

4) She still wears your clothes

If you left some of your stuff at her place and she hasn’t offered to return them already, that means, she doesn’t want to.

Your clothes remind her of your smell and your warm kisses. She’ll still post selfies while wearing your hoodie but not text you about returning it. Until and unless you ask for them back, she keeps your clothes close to her heart.

Some experts might say that she simply doesn’t want to text you first to return the clothes. However, if she has moved on, it shouldn’t be bothering her much, who-texts-who should not be the concern anymore.

Well, if you want your clothes back then it’s time to knock her door… and if you want her back, then knock her! 😉

5) She has that ONE photo on social media

When a girl goes on a social media cleanse after a breakup, she would 99% of the time erase all her pictures which have your face or anything to do with you.

Yet, if you will find that one picture, maybe your first photo together or maybe your last photo together still on her profile, it means that she is still not over you.

If she keeps that one photo where you both have a PDA moment in the comment section, it means that she misses all of it, even after being single for months.

6) She’s trying to be there… consistently

She was probably never a text person and loved talking to you on calls only. After the breakup, she has now suddenly transitioned into a texting person.

Every day, she’ll drop you a good morning text and share memes. The conversation might be short and friendly, but her consistent behaviour might raise an eyebrow.

I am sure you are wondering if she has an ulterior motive to texting you. It isn’t probably a motive but simply an effort to hold on. She is trying to be a part of your life while you’ve walked away from hers.

7) She keeps meeting you randomly

As a couple, you both share tons of memories. Like her favourite café became your new coffee spot. Or your favourite park became her morning walk ground. It shouldn’t be like the both of you should just change your life or change cities after a breakup.

Although, what becomes suspicious is when she keeps meeting you at all these spots, all the time. Sometimes you even feel that she turned up at a restaurant just because she saw your post about it on social media.

These random meets just bring her peace and joy. The best way to get her back is using such a ‘random’ meet to your advantage. If it feels like she is stalking you and you are not liking it, there’s no harm confronting her about it.

8) She’s nice and then (suddenly) not-so-nice

Your ex will suddenly start talking to you and express utmost care and friendliness during the convo. Then after a few days of talking, she’ll vanish into thin air.

When it happens once, you might think she did it out of fun, to leave your high and dry. But she comes back, calls you again and gives some lame excuse for not being available. Once you start believing her, she walks out again.

If you both ended things mutually, this is a clear sign that she has still not been able to move on from you. If you broke up with her, she is still battling her way in keeping the distance from you.

9) She got a boyfriend who hates you

You go out to a pub and find her chilling with her new boyfriend. Even though you don’t want to initiate conversation, she spots you and drags you to meet him.

The new guy definitely wasn’t interested to meet you either. Your ex on the other hand, kept holding his hand and fake laughing.

Well, there’s a high chance she isn’t happy in the new relationship and did it to taunt you. Or, the better reason could be, she was trying to keep the environment calm. It is commonly noted that a girl who isn’t over her ex will keep on talking about him to even her new boyfriend. I am sure no man likes that.

10) She doesn’t want her stuff back

If she was living with you for a while, you probably have a bag full of her clothes and makeup at your place. If you are wondering why she hasn’t asked for it back, it is because she is holding on to hope. The hope that she can meet you again. The hope that you also want her back.

Although, if you have asked her multiple times to take her stuff back and she still doesn’t, it might also mean that she doesn’t care. Try asking your ex for a meeting to give it back (one final time), if she happily agrees, you’ll have your answer.

11) She fights with you… A LOT

If she still has a small shred of care for you, it can also come out as anger or hatred. She’ll keep bitching about you to her friends or texting you rudely.

It might seem that she is doing all this because she doesn’t care, but oh, she obviously does. She values you enough to fight with you and also talk to you about it.

A girl who has found closure would never even mention the name of her ex. If you want to reconcile, now is the time to stop the fighting and ask her out again. If you don’t, you might as well block her and give your mind some stability.

12) She doesn’t block you everywhere

After your breakup, she’ll block you on all social media platforms and even remove your contact from her phone. Still, you’ll be unblocked on one platform, like a window of opportunity to reach out to her.

She keeps this window open for you but pretends like she isn’t aware. For her, it is about giving it a chance and for you, you might think she made a mistake.

Remember, girls never make such mistakes. So, now the gun is on your shoulders, if you want her, make use of this window or simply jump and shut it yourself.

Girls, it’s your turn now!

Signs your ex-boyfriend is pretending to be over you

Boys are often the first one to call-off the relationship as soon as things start to roll downhill.

But they are also the ones who immediately start regretting the decision. So, even when they are wanting you back… they keep pretending like they don’t. Because of course, it’s easier.

But unlike them, these signs can’t pretend.

25 Signs your ex is pretending to be over you
Signs your ex-boyfriend is pretending to be over you

13) He craves for attention

When he puts in extra efforts to text you during the day or instantly replies to your messages, he is definitely not over you.

You’ll probably be surprised to see him put more effort to talk to you than he ever did before. He will show excitement in “mutual” group plans, send you text messages filled with nostalgic pictures and will “accidently” call you only to make excuses. He becomes like a notification you can’t get rid of.

When it comes to men, they don’t have a natural tendency to desire attention but when they do, it makes them act different, sometimes even desperate.

14) He is the ‘I want to be friends’ guy

Chances are that if you broke up with him, he’ll still not stop talking to you. He’ll not just say it for the sake of saying it but actually mean it when he says ‘I still want to be friends with you’.

It isn’t about being friends but it is also about expectations.  While you’ll work on your mental peace and moving on, he’ll keep playing the friends card, hoping for a call or a meet up.

My personal suggestion is to be extra careful because an ex like this might sometimes cross boundaries and not even realise it.

15) He keeps Buzzing

He’ll always hover around you, trying to meet you face to face. From complimenting your hair on a group lunch to asking you to go to his place to collect your stuff, he just won’t stop finding reasons to buzz around your ear.

While you’ll dodge any opportunities to meet him so that both of you can get space, he doesn’t seem to understand. You may as well block him out completely for your own mental health, it is also fair to be considerate, especially if he was more involved in the relationship than you were.

Also, don’t be surprised if he sends you a birthday gift or a chocolate as a surprise gift.

16) He is always willing to help

If you both are talking, having a regular conversation and while in the discussion, you mentioned a problem you have been facing for quite some time, he readily jumps in to help. You’ll be wide-eyed and wondering how did he manage to calm down his feelings or is he simply pretending to be nice?

However, it is a good sign if you want to get back together but also awkward if you want to distance yourself from him. So, if you feel he is being extra enthusiastic and jumpy, it might be time to take a step back and control your own emotions.

17) He is in touch with your friends

For a girl gang, it is an unsaid rule that if your relationship ends, your girls fall out of touch with the guy too, especially if things went wrong in the relationship.

However, he’ll put extra efforts to be in touch with your friends, trying to know about what is happening in your life. He’ll DM your best friends on Instagram or Facebook, showing concern about you.

Infact, he has somehow mastered the art of small talk, something he disliked before, just to reach out to your friends and sneak in a good word.

18) He gets jealous all the time

His attitude is constantly reeking of jealousy. It can either come off as a rude message whenever you go out with your guy best friend or he can just keep texting you when he knows you are at a party.

He might himself go out on dates with other women but can’t seem to tolerate you taking a step towards finding a better man in your life. This is an absolute sign that he is pretending to be over you but his jealousy is taking over.

It might go very overboard, if he starts gate-crashing your plans or simply starts acting like he is still your boyfriend. A jealous boyfriend is adorable but a jealous ex is a pain.

19) He doesn’t stop flirting with you

If both of you decided to mutually stay in touch and not be rude to each other, you were probably expecting a few texts over the week from him.

Surprisingly, those texts happen daily with a pinch of flirtatious attitude. He’ll use a few pickup lines, try to make you laugh and then talk about how amazing your hugs were. It might seem all healthy till it gets a tad bit too much.

He might be all cool about it, saying that he is back on tinder and has moved on but if he flirts, he is pretending. Try not to flirt back if you want a break. But if you are also yearning as much, enjoy the moment!

20) He wants you to think better of him

You know your ex inside out. You know his daily routine, his life ideology and also his toxic habits. But after the breakup, you are seeing amazing changes in him – all his toxic behaviours that led to a fight among you both are gradually getting better. 

He tries to work out, learn how to cook, take music classes… and post everything on social media. Most of these things might seem like he wants to show off his newly developed high-class lifestyle – but it’s not that.

If he is finally doing things you had suggested to him to consider or keeps talking about them to you, he definitely hasn’t moved on. His pretence of being happy and content is all fake. He wants you to appreciate him once again.

21) He keeps stalking you

If your ex liked a photo of yours uploaded years ago (probably unintentionally), you’ll know that he was going through your profile. If you find out that his search history has your name up on the top, he is still into you.

He wants to know where you are, what you are doing or who you are with. If he is among the first ten people to always see your social media story or to reply to them, he was probably already checking out your profile. He probably either resents breaking up or just misses seeing your face daily.

22) He drunk dials you… very often

Well, he might not talk to you often, but his weekly drunk dials are now becoming a habit. He’ll sometimes call in the afternoon or late evenings, always ranting about your past, your breakup and slurring away his commitments of love.

You both might have broken up with or without animosity, but drunk dialling and then answering drunk dials, both actions reek of toxicity and annoyance.

You might still feel for him and pick up his calls but it will just motivate him to further reach out to you, making this worse. But, if you want to rekindle your romance, then you probably should tell him to call you when he is sober! 😉

23) His friends’ text you

If you both were in a relationship for a long time, there are high chances that you know all his friends. You went out with them and even planned his birthday with them. But you never made efforts to bond on a deeper level and maintained a healthy distance, understanding your partner’s personal space.

However, suddenly, after the break-up, they seem to value you A LOT, all of a sudden. They’ll try to make plans and invite your ex too, or they’ll simply convince you indirectly to get back together with him.

The sympathy card will be the trump card, where they ask for your help because their friend is upset. He clearly still wants you and has his friends working for it too. If you don’t want him back, blocking his friends is the only wise way to get closure.

24) He keeps coming back

Even after a spree of no-contact days, he’ll come back running to you to talk about one thing: Your breakup. At first, he will try to be patient and polite and try to convince you with an apology. But when you don’t seem to move an inch, he might as well start pleading.

A breakup can hit you in many ways, and this guilt-trip is one way of grieving for a few people. But it shouldn’t happen more than once or twice.

You might have loved him before but it is clear, he still loves you, maybe even more than before. I am sure you want to explain things to him, but try not to overwork yourself. He just needs to find answers on his own now.

This one is for both… (EX) girlfriend or boyfriend

25) Your ex is trying way TOO hard to prove they’re over you

You know when someone goes out of their way to prove something… it eventually means that they are trying to convince themselves.  

They are trying way too hard but still fail to stop thinking about you, so instead, they try to make you believe how completely OK they are doing without you.

Experts say that if a person is focused on not wanting something, the more they actually want it. So, don’t be fooled with the consistent efforts – they want you, direly!

So,

What to do next?


First things first, be clear and detailed in your understanding of the plot. If you can see a couple of signs at first, you need to wait and observe more. If there are quite a few signs, it becomes evident that your ex is pretending to be over you.

Now it’s time for you to decide: whether you want them back or not. If you do, think about how to approach them and address your mistakes from the past. You also need to ask yourself whether you are really ready to forgive all that they have done to you.

If you don’t want them back, it is time to seek closure, no matter how harsh it is. You might want to be friends with them, but take that ladder only after you make your peace and both of you have successfully moved on.

If you want your ex back

If you really want them back into your life, you need to take advantage of the current situation. If your ex-partner is clearly pretending to be over you, you just need to give the desired push and some love to be the cherry on top.

Don’t worry about the situation and calmly balance things out. Talk to a relationship expert and work on making yourself better. If you are ready to jump the gun all by yourself, confront them about it and make efforts to get back

If not, then subtly drop them hints and signs that you might want them back too. If your ex picks up on it and still doesn’t confront, he wants you to do it… and if he does, well, congratulations!

If you don’t want your ex back

You definitely shouldn’t have to go back to your old life or old habits that took you months to get rid of. The break-up was a choice and you wanting to stick by that decision is honest and absolutely correct.

Don’t fall for all these tricks of your ex, trying to approach you or be a part of your life. First, try to tell them to step back and establish boundaries. If they still don’t listen, talk to their friends and seek their help to approach the final closure.

Later, it’s only wise to stop picking their calls and block any mode of communication. Find your peace and learn to find bliss in ignorance. Just go have fun, spend time with your friends, pamper yourself and take a break!

FAQs


1. Why is my ex pretending to be Over me?

It is a matter of self-respect. When two people decide to go separate ways, they don’t want each other to know how they are feeling. Both partners try to put up a strong outlook and hence, pretend to be moving on, to avoid any complications and to admit any grief after the breakup.

Plus, there’s a high chance their friends are also supporting them, advising them to not let you savor the victory of seeing them in resentment or sadness.

It can also be because they decided to break up first and can’t let their ego come falling down if they are regretting the choice. The best way for you to let go is to not overthink the situation. And if you want to find your ex back into your life, maybe just be honest about it.

2. How Can I know if my ex still cares about me?

For starters, if they are still talking to you and still drops to check in, they probably still care. It isn’t easy to get rid of years-old feelings of care and concern for your ex-partner. The care might not always be a sign of lingering feelings but could be a bond of a special friendship.

If they always ask you to inform them once you reach home at night or they get worried if you’re skipping meals, you both need to figure things out. They still care, but do you? If you do, do you want things to go back to normal again?

3. My Ex is Hiding from me. What does it mean?

If your ex is hiding from you, chances are that they do not want to reconcile. That, or well, they have found a new partner in life.

Each individual has their own way of moving on and ignorance is often considered to be the best answer. Your ex probably established the no-contact rule, where they will avoid you at all costs, even if it means missing out on parties, events and outings.
Your mutual friends will get tired of making plans or trying to resolve your issues but to no avail. Your ex will just keep away, no matter what!

4. Why does my Ex avoid eye contact with me?

This can imply two things.
1. they are just awkward after the breakup or
2. they just don’t care.

If you want to understand the intent, don’t just look at the eye contact but also ponder over their overall attitude.
If they avoid eye contact but keep smiling around you, it is a positive step towards a rekindling romance. Well, if they don’t call or text you and dodge plans, the lack of eye contact is either hatred or lack of concern for you. Time to move on then!

Final Thoughts!

It’s definitely difficult to understand what goes on in a human’s mind when they refuse to confront it.

But it’s not impossible.

While none of us are mind readers… life would have been so easy if we were.

Thank god for these signs, that give us a peek into your ex’s intent.

So, now the gun is on your shoulders: it’s your decision whether you want to shoot or retreat! Whatever you choose, just remember one thing: you deserve the world, always have and always will… 😊