We need people around to tell us that we are worthy and our thoughts and feelings are real. Fear of being rejected forces us to abide ourselves by the social rules and regulations. In this way, we start ignoring ourselves. Self Validation is the process of understanding and accepting your thoughts. We must embrace our experiences and feelings as well. It is a difficult task to accept and acknowledge yourself with all your limitations.
What is Self Validation?
It means to feel worthy and good of you without any external opinion. Self validation is a complex process in which we can embrace, love and acknowledge our thoughts and feelings.
- Feel positive about yourself
- Encourage and support yourself
- Accept yourself with all the flaws
- Respect and understand your emotions
- Do not blame yourself for all the thoughts and emotions you might have.
The process of self-validation is not an easy task. It needs a lot of practice to mind your thoughts and actions to make it valid.
Internal Validation and External Validation
Internal Validation is the process of certifying one’s feelings from a personal point of view. It is a must for attaining self-validation. External validation means the process of stating one’s feelings and actions depending on how others judge us. It helps us in developing a positive self regard.
Qualities of a Self Validated Person
A self validated person is confident. They can deal with life’s problems on their own. Usually, they do not depend on others’ views and conclusions to accept their thoughts and feelings. The qualities of a self validated person are as follows.
- Has the ability to understand and express their innermost experiences, thoughts and feelings without evaluating them.
- You hardly take any chance for self-criticism.
- Self validated person can manage his complex emotions in a better way than others.
- They accept and love themselves as they are. It gives them a sense of self-dignity.
- These people can love their thoughts and emotions as it is, without rebuking. It helps them to identify their weaknesses and work on them. They prefer to rectify their mistakes and do not get critical of it.
- Respond positively towards their emotions and behavior.
- Do not need positive feedback from others to approve their thoughts and feelings as justifiable.
To self validate, ensure that you love, support and accept yourself as you are. You should always ensure that you are non-judgmental.
The Relation Between Self Validation and Self Worth
One should always accept and feel worthy of his good and bad sides. Self-validation means maximum approval and minimum criticism. Self-validation is a must to develop self-worth. Self-worth is a sense of one’s value and how you are as an individual.
For self-validation, it is important to feel positive and worthy of oneself. An individual develops a positive approach towards his or her feelings, thoughts and behavior. It gives them a sense of self-acceptance and they can feel worthy and confident of their feelings. These two concepts are very close knit in nature.
The Process of Self Validation
The person has to work on oneself to feel positive about his or her self. The process of self validation starts with a thorough understanding of yourself.
- Being conscious of your inner world – It means that you are aware of your thoughts and emotions. It helps to understand what you think and how you feel. Do not neglect the way you think and feel. They are “yours” and a part of your entity.
- Give time to yourself – Work on your “self”. You are capable of showing more respect to the way you think, feel and experience. All your hopes, desires, and wishes are your own. It is essential to accept them as they are. Do not evaluate them as good or bad.
- Do not be critical of yourself – approve your emotions and thoughts without criticism and self-blame.
- Consider your emotions as normal – Sometimes you may have some intense emotions. You think that they are not normal and start reviewing the situation that had led to it. After doing a proper review, you will automatically know that what you felt was normal. We cannot feel the same always. It’s normal to feel happy, sad and angry according to the situation. So, it is not good accuse yourself for any wrongdoing. Try to correct your mistakes on your own. it makes you feel worthy.
- Be genuine – Always be in your real “self “. You must not lie or pretend. It is important not to feel and behave like somebody else.
Self-validation and Regulation of Our Emotions
Self-validation enables us to handle an emotional response in the best possible way. At times, it becomes difficult for us to regulate our emotions. We do not accept our feelings as it happens and start doing self-judgment. Blaming oneself for thinking and feeling in a particular manner lowers our self esteem and leads to the poor feel of validity.
We get bothered with the opinions of others. This leads to self invalidation of our emotions. Self-validation teaches us to focus on our innermost thoughts and makes us accept the feelings without considering it as right or wrong.
Few Examples of Emotional Responses
At times, you may feel sad or angry because of an incident that involved you. As a result you feel bad about it. It is a very natural response from your end. Now, if you start telling yourself “I should not feel like this and I should learn to handle my emotions in a better way.” This means you are evaluating your feelings and criticizing yourself for the same. Always avoid judging your feelings and accept them with open arms.
Self-validation teaches you to understand, acknowledge and accept your overwhelming emotions. It allows you to appreciate yourself.
Some Self-validating Expressions Are As Follows
- ‘I have many reasons for getting emotional, and it is perfectly all right for me to feel bad about it.
- ‘When I am sad, I cry and I feel better. I do not think it is a mark of weakness.
- ‘If I am angry, I yell and it comforts me’.
- I cannot feel happy all the time. I shall accept my sadness and disappointments in a positive way.
Difference Between Self-validation and Emotional Validation
You can link self-validation with admitting and realizing your internal experiences. It is related to your thoughts, feelings, behavior or actions. It is non-judgmental. You should always embrace and accept your internal experiences happily and without hesitation.
Emotional validation is the process by which we can of learn, understand and approve the emotional experiences of others. It involves criticism and evaluation and thereby helps us to accept, ignore or reject the emotions of others.
How Can You Improve Self-validation Skills?
Self validation teaches one to feel happy and worthy from within.
- Learn to value and judge yourself less. This will increase your confidence in accepting your thoughts and emotions without any hesitation.
- Try to feel loved, valued and secure from within.
- Stop getting critical and feel guilty. Self-blaming leads to poor self-worth. A person stops giving recognition to all the goodness that lies in him.
- Do not tell yourself how and why you should feel in a particular way. It is better to accept those feelings as it is. No need to make assessments.
- Practice doing “Self-talk”. Think of the things that make you confident, happy and proud. Talk to your inner “self” linked with your goodness and failures. Consider all your irrelevant thoughts and emotions. Clarify to yourself that you are a worthy being. It improves self-validation.
- Acknowledge all your complex emotions. They are shame, frustration, sorrow, anger, jealousy. There is no shame in accepting your dark side. It will make you less negative of yourself. Always have confidence in how you think and feel. Now you know “who you are”? as a person.
- You have every right to think and feel the way you like. No one should try to guide you on how to regulate your thoughts and emotions.
It is good to know and understand oneself well. Do not validate yourself to the point where you think and feel that all your inner weaknesses are legitimate. Man is a social being and he needs others’ views and opinions to prove himself as a worthy being.
We all ignore ourselves and act according to the whims of others. Self-validation teaches you the relationship that you have with yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself and you will see a better “person” lying within.
“Do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves”— Shunryu Suzuki
A teacher by profession, postgraduate in applied psychology and a former school psychologist, Chandrani loves to live life simply and happily. She is an avid reader and a keen observer. Writing has always been a passion for her, since her school days. It helps to de-stress and keeps her mentally agile. Pursuing a career in writing was a chance occurrence, when she started to pen down her thoughts and experiences for few childcare and parenting websites. Her lovable niche includes mental health, parenting, childcare and self improvement. She is here to share her thoughts and experiences and enrich lives of few, if not many.