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We need people around to tell us that we are worthy and our thoughts and feelings are real. Fear of being rejected forces us to abide ourselves by the social rules and regulations. In this way, we start ignoring ourselves. Self Validation is the process of understanding and accepting your thoughts.
We must embrace our experiences and feelings as well. It is a difficult task to accept and acknowledge yourself with all your limitations.
What is Self Validation?
Self validation is a way to recognize, accept, and honor one’s own internal experiences without making any judgments and criticisms. It helps to better understand yourself.
It means to feel worthy and good of you without any external opinion. Self validation is a complex process in which we can embrace, love and acknowledge our thoughts and feelings.
- Feel positive about yourself
- Encourage and support yourself
- Accept yourself with all the flaws
- Respect and understand your emotions
- Do not blame yourself for all the thoughts and emotions you might have.
The process of self-validation is not an easy task. It needs a lot of practice to mind your thoughts and actions to make it valid.
Internal Self Validation and External Self Validation
Internal Validation is the process of certifying one’s feelings from a personal point of view. It is a must for attaining self-validation. External validation means the process of stating one’s feelings and actions depending on how others judge us. It helps us in developing a positive self regard. Too much relying on external validation can affect mental health and make you vulnerable to self-doubt and criticism.
Self Validation Person Qualities
A self validated person is confident. They can deal with life’s problems on their own. Usually, they do not depend on others’ views and conclusions to accept their thoughts and feelings. The qualities of a self validated person are as follows.
- Has the ability to understand and express their innermost experiences, thoughts and feelings without evaluating them.
- You hardly take any chance for self-criticism.
- Self validated person can manage his complex emotions in a better way than others.
- They accept and love themselves as they are. It gives them a sense of self-dignity.
- These people can love their thoughts and emotions as it is, without rebuking. It helps them to identify their weaknesses and work on them. They prefer to rectify their mistakes and do not get critical of it.
- Respond positively towards their emotions and behavior.
- Do not need positive feedback from others to approve their thoughts and feelings as justifiable.
To self validate, ensure that you love, support and accept yourself as you are. You should always ensure that you are non-judgmental.
The Relation Between Self Validation and Self Worth
One should always accept and feel worthy of his good and bad sides. Self-validation means maximum approval and minimum criticism. Self-validation is a must to develop self-worth. Self-worth is a sense of one’s value and how you are as an individual.
For self-validation, it is important to feel positive and worthy of oneself. An individual develops a positive approach towards his or her feelings, thoughts and behavior. It gives them a sense of self-acceptance and they can feel worthy and confident of their feelings. These two concepts are very close knit in nature.
How to Self Validate?
The person has to work on oneself to feel positive about his or her self. The process of self validation starts with a thorough understanding of yourself.
1. Being conscious of your inner world
It means that you are aware of your thoughts and emotions. It helps to understand what you think and how you feel. Do not neglect the way you think and feel. They are “yours” and a part of your entity.
2. Give time to yourself
Work on your “self”. You are capable of showing more respect to the way you think, feel and experience. All your hopes, desires, and wishes are your own. It is essential to accept them as they are. Do not evaluate them as good or bad.
3. Do not be critical of yourself
This means you need to approve your emotions and thoughts without criticism and self-blame. To validate yourself you need to be vulnerable and allow your emotions to flow freely so that you can accept them without being critical.
Never try to change your feelings, especially if you feel sad or low about something. Let them be what they are and accept your feelings. It will soon pass away without being noticed.
4. Consider your emotions as normal
Sometimes you may have some intense emotions. You think that they are not normal and start reviewing the situation that had led to it. After doing a proper review, you will automatically know that what you felt was normal.
We cannot feel the same always. It’s normal to feel happy, sad and angry according to the situation. So, it is not good accuse yourself for any wrongdoing. Try to correct your mistakes on your own. it makes you feel worthy.
5. Be genuine
Always be in your real “self “. You must not lie or pretend. It is important not to feel and behave like somebody else. To develop your self validation skills, you should appreciate who you are? And what you do to make yourself happy. Your authentic self is the mirror of your soul. You should appreciate it’s goodness and approve of your worth.
6. Practice Self Love
It feels good when you praise and affirm your feelings. When you love and care for yourself, you do not need others to validate the way you think and feel. You should take a good care of your health and give yourself the love that you have craved for.
In doing so, you will have freedom of thought and an open acceptance of your feelings. It will develop your self-worth and confidence; thereby improving self validation skills. The right place to seek validation is within you. You are at absolute peace with your existence and nothing can spoil it.
7. Be your friend
Remember that you are your best friend because no one can love and respect you more than yourself. You do not need to seek external validation to tell you that you are good enough. It’s important that you value your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Be honest with who you are and what you can do. This boosts morale and motivates you to accept yourself unconditionally. Love and value your worth just as a good friend.
8. Celebrate your achievements
When you derive joy from your achievements and accomplishments, no matter how tiny they are, it motivates you to positively accept yourself and improve self validation. Praise yourself for the small efforts that you make to reach your goals. It will help to rebuild the broken self-esteem that came from feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
9. Relate with positive people
You should surround yourself with positive people who talk encouraging and inspiring words; because it makes you feel worthy. It will get reflected in your thoughts and actions. When you relate well with people who are kind and compassionate, they can motivate you to become the best version of yourself. They will always inspire you to do the best in life.
10. Avoid negative self-talk
When you talk negatively about yourself, it breaks your self-esteem. So, avoid doing it. Nothing good comes out of it, rather it depletes and slowly erodes your morale and confidence. You should acknowledge the good aspects of yourself. Praising can help to validate and accept your thoughts and feelings without guilt.
11. Practice compassion
You should practice self-compassion and be kind towards your needs and wants. When you are compassionate towards yourself, it helps to alter your perceived inadequacies into strengths. It reduces your self-blaming tendencies and makes you more humane and kind. If you want to free yourself from suffering and self-criticism, practice compassion to develop self validation.
12. Forgive yourself
You should not be overly critical and judgmental in nature. Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you might have committed. It develops confidence and worth. Moreover, never be harsh on yourself and try to fit in a frame made by others.
Be who you are and treat yourself with love and respect. No one is perfect and thus accept your faults as a part of you. This brings greater self-acceptance and the need for external validation also reduces.
13. Fulfill your needs
Self validation can be improved by fulfilling your needs and doing enough self-care. When you know the ways to meet your needs and wishes, you do not need others to do it for you. You are competent and capable to craft a life of your choice by merely thinking positive and feeling good about yourself.
These are inspirational words and phrases that you can use to nurture a positive outlook towards yourself and life in general. It gives you a strength of mind to turn your weaknesses into strengths. It also facilitates positive self-talk that can build a strong self-esteem. You will never feed shame or guilt, rather nurture confidence and worth.
15. Read inspiring books
You can even read motivational books on self-worth and self validation and incorporate those ideals in your life. These self-help books help to transform the way you think and feel by providing tips to heal, grow, and evolve as an individual. The power to change lies in you, thus make full use of it and see a new world of opportunities opening up for you every moment.
16. Accepting your flaws
The best way to validate your thoughts and feelings is by accepting your flaws. All of us have character flaws and imperfections that need to be corrected from time to time. You should never be shameful of those. Accept them and work to fix those problems that may arise because of this.
It changes your perspectives and also improves the way you see yourself. If you focus only on flaws, your life will fixate on negativity. You can never unlearn bad habits and improvise on learning new ones.
17. Give up self-doubt
If you have doubts, it doesn’t mean you are weak and incompetent. Even successful people can experience moments of self-doubt. Being doubtful means feeling uncertain and helpless.
If it gets into your ‘psyche’ as an unwanted tenant, it may take away your confidence. You may develop a negative attitude towards life. Thus, do not allow self-doubt to cripple you. You should continue doing your best and leave the rest for time to decide.
18. Know your strengths
You can improve your self validation skills and feel worthy of yourself if you know to identify your inner strengths. It gives you confidence, builds up your broken self-esteem.
When you are aware of your strengths, you can be honest with yourself. You will be mindful of what’s going on within you and outside of you. You know you are good enough to deal with whatever happens next.
Living in the moments means that you are ‘be present’ where you are right now, right here. It makes you grounded. You are aware of your inner world. It helps you to understand your thoughts and feelings as they are, without evaluating. It allows you not to suppress the emotions rather let it flow out easily.
20. Practice acceptance
When you start accepting the way you think, feel, and act; it becomes easier to validate your wandering thoughts and troubling emotions easily. You know what to do when you feel differently.
Acceptance means to honor your internal state of being. You allow yourself to feel every bit of it. In such a situation, you do not require others to tell you that you are worthy and self-sufficient.
Self-validation and Regulation of Our Emotions
Self-validation enables us to handle an emotional response in the best possible way. At times, it becomes difficult for us to regulate our emotions. We do not accept our feelings as it happens and start doing self-judgment. Blaming oneself for thinking and feeling in a particular manner lowers our self esteem and leads to the poor feel of validity.
We get bothered with the opinions of others. This leads to self invalidation of our emotions. Self-validation teaches us to focus on our innermost thoughts and makes us accept the feelings without considering it as right or wrong.
Examples of Self Validation Emotional Responses
At times, you can be feeling sad or angry because of an incident that involved you. As a result you feel bad about it. It is a very natural response from your end. Now, if you start telling yourself “I should not feel like this and I should learn to handle my emotions in a better way.” This means you are evaluating your feelings and criticizing yourself for the same. Always avoid judging your feelings and accept them with open arms.
Self-validation teaches you to understand, acknowledge and accept your overwhelming emotions. It allows you to appreciate yourself.
Some Self validating Expressions Are As Follows
- ‘I have many reasons for getting emotional, and it is perfectly all right for me to feel bad about it.
- ‘When I am sad, I cry and I feel better. I do not think it is a mark of weakness.
- ‘If I am angry, I yell and it comforts me’.
- I cannot feel happy all the time. I shall accept my sadness and disappointments in a positive way.
Difference Between Self Validation and Emotional Validation
You can link self-validation with admitting and realizing your internal experiences. It is related to your thoughts, feelings, behavior or actions. It is non-judgmental. You should always embrace and accept your internal experiences happily and without hesitation.
Emotional validation is the process by which we can of learn, understand and approve the emotional experiences of others. It involves criticism and evaluation and thereby helps us to accept, ignore or reject the emotions of others.
How Can You Improve Self Validation Skills?
Self validation teaches one to feel happy and worthy from within.
- Learn to value and judge yourself less. This will increase your confidence in accepting your thoughts and emotions without any hesitation.
- Try to feel loved, valued, and secure from within.
- Stop getting critical and feel guilty. Self-blaming leads to poor self-worth. A person stops giving recognition to all the goodness that lies in him.
- Do not tell yourself how and why you should feel in a particular way. It is better to accept those feelings as it is. No need to make assessments.
- Practice doing “Self-talk”. Think of the things that make you confident, happy, and proud. Talk to your inner “self” linked with your goodness and failures. Consider all your irrelevant thoughts and emotions. Clarify to yourself that you are a worthy being. It improves self-validation.
- Acknowledge all your complex emotions. They are shame, frustration, sorrow, anger, jealousy. There is no shame in accepting your dark side. It will make you less negative about yourself. Always have confidence in how you think and feel. Now you know “who you are”? as a person.
- You have every right to think and feel the way you like. No one should try to guide you on how to regulate your thoughts and emotions.
Books on Self Validation
Few renowned books on self validation that tell us about the various ways to improve worth and recognition. Your authentic self is your ultimate truth. It is only you who can positively state your self-validity because you are complete in you.
1. What is your self worth? – A woman’s guide to self validation by Cheryl Saban. It is a self-help guide for women to unleash their inner strengths, develop confidence, and see themselves in a whole new way.
2. The gifts of imperfection – by Brene Brown. It speaks about unconditional well-being that one can have through self-acceptance. It is a great read that motivates and reliefs your pain and suffering.
3. Awaken the Giant within – by Tony Robbins. This book talks about some life changing ways to know, accept, and validate your internal state of being.
4. You can heal your life – by Louise Hay. It is a bestselling self-help book that says that willingness, hard work, and persistence can do wonders in the process of self-transformation.
5. Radical Acceptance – embracing your life with the heart of the Buddha – by Tara Brach. This self-help book helps to reconnect with your lost self. Read this book as It gives practical ways to validate your thoughts and feelings by letting go of self-criticism. A masterpiece to see you in a whole new way.
Self Validation Quotes
1. “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”― M. Scott Peck
2. “The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
3. “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”― Marilyn Monroe
4. “I never loved another person the way I loved myself.”― Mae West
5. “Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken…”― Evanescence
We all ignore ourselves and act according to the whims of others. Self-validation teaches you the relationship that you have with yourself. Learn to love and respect yourself and you will see a better “person” lying within.
“Do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves”— Shunryu Suzuki
A Psychologist with a master's degree in Psychology, a former school psychologist, and a teacher by profession Chandrani loves to live life simply and happily. She is an avid reader and a keen observer. Writing has always been a passion for her, since her school days. It helps to de-stress and keeps her mentally agile. Pursuing a career in writing was a chance occurrence when she started to pen down her thoughts and experiences for a few childcare and parenting websites. Her lovable niche includes mental health, parenting, childcare, and self-improvement. She is here to share her thoughts and experiences and enrich the lives of few if not many.