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How To Ask a Girl Out – The Ultimate Guide

How To Ask a Girl Out – The Ultimate GuideUpdated on November 15, 2020 | Published on June 20, 2020
Reviewed by Julianne Cantarella, MSW, LSW, Certified Relationship Coach

How to ask a girl out

How to ask a girl out?

This is one of the most asked questions in the modern dating world.

And if you are here, you are from the same squad!

Wait till we break all the secrets in just 6 simple steps.

But, let’s start with a myth-breaker.

Contrary to common belief, there’s no perfect time or the perfect way to approach a girl.

There are a few ground rules, tips, and some basic steps (discussed in this article) that can only put you in the right direction. After that, the steering is in your hands and so is the long-desired yes.

Men often hope for magical moments and spontaneous dates to fall into their lap so that they can easily dodge the fear of rejection.

But, well, life is not a romantic movie.

Life is Life and if you want to call that gorgeous girl your own, you need to work for it.

Now if you are ready for the battle, read this article until the last word and we promise you, you will never shake a limb when you ask your girl out on a date.

So, let’s begin with some

In This Article hide

Ground Rules To Ask A Girl Out!


Approaching a girl can be nerve-wracking but if you decide to wait, you will either lose her or lose a lot of time.

So, cut the wait and start preparing for the big day with these ground rules.

Follow them to the T and you will be ready to put your best foot forward.

1.  Understand that not every girl is worth it

Why do you think you are afraid to ask her out?

It’s because you don’t want to be turned down. To put yourself out there in the field is easier said than done.

However, the chances of getting rejected can be fairly reduced if you learn to be selective with girls.

Not everyone is worth the effort.

Gauge her interest level (more on this in a bit) and see if you both share a decent chemistry level.

This will save you from frustration in the future.

And, of course multiply the chances of getting a yes.

2.  Your posture should scream confidence

Cowardly posture can prove to be an immediate turn-off.

Girls don’t like men who cannot express confidence in their appearance and shun you even before you open your mouth.

To ensure that this does not happen to you, keep your confidence balanced between under confidence and overconfidence.

Don’t slump, start at the ground or fidget. Instead, gaze at her, keep your chest high and chin up.

That’s not it.

Be mindful of the space between the two of you. Too much space can be perceived as nervousness and too little can overwhelm her.

3.  Don’t settle for basic appearance.

Here’s a secret:  Girls love good-looking men.

However, this doesn’t mean a fair-skinned, six-pack well-built man.

Or a man dressed in a customized Armani suit.

So, what are they looking for?

Effort.

Yes. All you need to do is make an effort to look good for her. Take a shower, shave and trim, iron your shirt, polish your shoes, and smell good.

Girls don’t want you to be perfect, they want you to be dapper!

HOT TIP
Don’t forget to open the door or pull chairs for her. There’s nothing like the little gestures to reserve your place into her heart.

Now that you are all prepped-up, let’s find out what’s going on with her.

Your Ultimate Guide on How To Ask a Girl Out.
Your Ultimate Guide on How To Ask a Girl Out.

How To Gauge Her Interest Level?


Approaching a girl is no rocket science, it’s an art.

…and some common sense.

So be vigilant and find the answer to these questions to know her frame of mind.

1.  What is her relationship status?

What is her relationship status?
What is her relationship status?

If you don’t already know the answer to this, it’s time to find it out.

Pay attention to the people she talks to, check out her social media status or you can even ask a few questions that will clear the air.

Your questions must not give her hints about your intent because if she is not interested in dating yet, you will end up losing the friendship.

You can ask something like ‘How was your last relationship like?’ or ‘Who is the special someone in your life?’

These answers will give you a fair idea about her relationship status

…and your next plan of action.

2.  How often does she look at you?

How often does she look at you?
How often does she look at you?

Eye contact can sometimes say a lot more than words.

Even science agrees to that!

So, if she is sneaking glances or looking at you more frequently, there are high chances she is developing feelings for you.

You might also notice her eyeballs getting diluted when she is talking to you. This often happens when you are so lost looking at someone that you lose track of what they are saying.

However, this is not an exhaustive indicator. Just a sign!

3.  What does her body language say to you?

What does her body language say to you?
What does her body language say to you?

You don’t need to be a communication expert to interpret her body language.

You just need to be a little more watchful.

Do you often bump into her? Does she sit beside you during lunch breaks? Does she feel comfortable around you?

These signs prove that she likes you as a person.

And if she does, you have better chances of scoring a yes when you finally ask her out.

On the contrary, if she avoids making eye contact with you or tries to skip the seat beside you – you need to first find out the underlying problem with that.

4.  How does she respond to your flirt?

How does she respond to your flirt?
How does she respond to your flirt?

You must have heard at least once in your lifetime that flirting is good for health! 😉

Well, yes, it is.

But that’s not it.

It can also help you identify whether or not your girl is interested in you.

Ofcourse, you can’t directly jump to ‘Your smile can kill people’ kind of flirting.

You don’t want to scare her.

Compliments like ‘You silenced everyone in the meeting today, amazing job.’ or ‘Your eyes have a language of its own’ are good for starters. Pass smiles, gentle touches, and then gauge her response.

If she blushes and plays along, that means she is equally fascinated.

These answers must give you an idea of her interest in you. If things seem to be in your favor, it’s time to move ahead.

How To Ask A Girl Out? – 6-Step Process


1.  How To Ask A Girl Out In Person

Step 1: Plan

While there’s no specific plan that works when you are in front of the girl of your dreams, a little bit of preparation definitely makes you more confident.

Oftentimes, guys fail to deliver a clear message to the girl. That is, even though you’ve asked her out romantically, she still feels you are on a friendly outing.

This is because of no prior planning.

You don’t have to narrate a script, but you also can’t blabber anything. So, decide what you want to say and try to practice it a few times.

You can use something like:

Hey, I have bought the concert tickets for your favorite singer, would you like to join me as a date? Or,

What are you doing after work? There’s this new place nearby, would you like to join me on coffee?

You can also play on some of your strengths and even weaknesses. For instance, if you are a shy person, use it your advantage with something like:

I am a very shy person in general, but I really wanted to tell you that you have an amazing sense of humor.

Step 2: Check her mood

This is VERY important.

There’s a right time for everything.

If she has had a rough day at work or a terrible breakup recently, being proposed for a date will be the last on her list.

If you don’t want to be rejected on your first attempt, don’t even dare ask her out on bad days. Instead, offer her a shoulder, comfort, or even an ear if she wants to confide in someone.

HOT TIP
If your anxiety constantly stalls the final proposal. Set a timeline for yourself and promise yourself to ask her out before that.

Step 3: Talk to her when she is alone

Girls get very uneasy when you ask her out in front of other people. They will not be able to speak clearly and might also get embarrassed by the number of people watching them.

Here’s a thing: No one wants public attention in personal matters!

Thus, it’s always wise to pop the question when she is all by herself. Figure out how you can do it in a one-on-one conversation. Keep a tab on her daily routine and be mindful of the times when she is alone –

Say, while walking to her next class or during lunch break or maybe while heading home.

Another advantage of asking her out in private is that if she says a no, it will save you from the public embarrassment! 😉

Step 4: Be your real self

…and if you are fun enough, she will say a yes whether or not you have a bank account.

Guys think that girls are lured with money.

But here’s the reality, girls don’t desire anything more than a charming personality.   

So, while you are preparing the base to ask her out, show that you have got brains and know how to have a real conversation with her.

Long story short, give her a reason.

A reason to say yes and spend a few hours of her life.

Be different from all the creepy guys who keep hitting her on social media or on the way to her office.

Because, hey you don’t want to end up in the block list. (Or, do you?)

Step 5: Look at her into the eye

All said and done, now when you are finally planning to hit the ball, remind yourself the ground rules once again (especially point #2), take a deep breath, and go for it!

Don’t overdo it. 2-3 sentences with a clear message should be enough. If you still feel nervous, practice a few more times in front of the mirror.

Or record it on your phone, play it back and make amendments depending on how you sound.

It might appear very difficult at the moment, but 4-5 minutes into the conversation and it wouldn’t be as scary.

Step 6: It’s time!

Ask. Her. Out.

Now that you have her attention, what’s the wait worth for?

Calmly ask her the long-desired question. Make sure you don’t seem too excited or too nervous.

You can start with something like ‘You are such an interesting person, I would love to know you more. How about a coffee this Sunday?’

Or,

‘What are you doing this Friday night? Let’s have some drinks at this new brewery nearby?’

You can also be creative and try out different ways to pop the question.

(We have discussed a few later in this article)

Remember, girls LOVE effort.

So, if you really want a yes, show that to her and she will not be able to turn you down.

2.  How To Ask A Girl Out Over text

Smartphones have transformed the whole dating fundamental, especially after the invention of online dating. Text messages, calls, and social media are now the primary mode of communication and so many people around the globe arrange dates via texts.

If you are one of them, we have something for you too.

Let’s begin with some basic information:

Texting is an art and so is how to ask a girl out on text. It’s not the same as it was in person.

While it allows you some extra grace time, there are a lot of interpretations of a single time that can confuse the reader and deliver the wrong message.

So, read each and every step clearly if you want to succeed.

Step 1: Message her ASAP

‘Don’t text her so soon, you will appear clingy.’

‘You have just gotten the phone number, wait for some days.’

If you have listened to this earlier, you know it DOESN’T WORK.

Infact, message her within 24 hours of asking for the phone number, so that you don’t receive a text that says Who’s this?

You don’t need to prepare a whole novel, just a small text like Hey, thanks for the number! will make her realize that you think about her.

Step 2: Start a text conversation

Starting a text conversation can be really difficult especially when you are dying to talk to her. You can easily jump the boundaries and lose your chance.

In that case, pick a few text conversation starters and shoot!

Start easy with simple questions like

How did you spend time today?’

‘What is your biggest goal in life?’

Step 3: Propose an activity

Instead of the usual ‘Let’s hang out together’, be specific and pick something fun that will make her laugh.

This can help you in two ways:

First, she has something that needs a proper response and you will not be left wondering what you should do for the first date.

Second, it gives her an idea about what to expect on a date with you.

Step 4: Keep it short

The longer the texts, the higher are your chances of misinterpretation.

So, it’s best to keep it short and sweet.

There’s no harm in being to the point as long as your message reflects good intent. You can even add compliments that can cue her about your romanticism intent.

Because there’s nothing more disheartening than being friend-zoned by a girl you want to date.

You can also add a touch of creativity in an on-text proposal by adopting methods other than text. For instance, send her a cute boomerang on Instagram or a snap on Snapchat attached to your message.

This will increase your chances of getting a yes.

Step 5: Flirt to ask her out!

A little bit of flirting can never go wrong.

Especially now when you have endless number emojis, GIFs, or even love filters to craft perfect flirty texts for her.

But it’s not so easy.

Done well, it can light up her face and if gone wrong, can terrify her.

So be careful.

You can text her something like Every time my phone buzzes, I hope that it’s you and when you realize that she has received it well, pop the big question!

Additional Tips If You Are Asking Her Out by Text


1. Respond quickly even when it’s a no

If you are rejected, don’t be offended or take too long to reply. Instead, be calm and reply on a positive note.

Something like ‘That’s okay, I was just asking since this weekend I had no other plans’ will serve the purpose.

It might be hard but it’s normal to be rejected.

Plus, now you will not be left wondering about what could have happened had you asked her out.

2. Make plans if it’s a yes

…and also keep her informed about how much you are looking forward to it.

This will not only keep her excited but also tell her that you are thinking of her and can help you score some brownie points on your date! 😉

3. Ask her in advance if you are buying tickets.

 So, say if you planned and bought the tickets for her favorite concert but she has other commitments that weekend.

Or if you asked her out, but you got so late locking the tickets that it was sold-out.

That would not leave a good first impression.

In that case, it’s always wise to ask her out well in advance.

All that is fine.

But,

What if…

Though the steps mentioned above are the same for all the situations, the odds, the sentiment, and the stakes can vary.

So, let’s discuss each of them one-by-one

She is a complete stranger?

When you first look at it, asking out a complete stranger looks really intimidating but when you get closer you realize, it’s the easiest. Why?

Because there’s nothing to lose.

You asked her out, she says yes, you are the winner!

You asked her out, she says a no, you are still the winner… because you were complete strangers then, you are complete strangers now! No loss. No gain – except a shred of pride maybe.

But, if you don’t ask her out, you are the loser!

So, looking at the odds, roll up your sleeves, and just go for it. Be confident and start with a compliment that can turn heads. A simple ‘You are so gorgeous, that I couldn’t move my eyes that night at the party’ can serve the purpose.

Don’t push it, let it flow and you will come out with a date to remember!

You met her at a bar?

If you met her at a bar or a club, chances are you both have been drinking and were high that night.

Or maybe even kissed.

Or maybe more.

Whatever the case is, this means you already have her number.

So, what is the doubt?

Send her a text and tell her how she has been in your mind since that night. Take it slow for one day or two, and then hit the call button.

Ask her out in a subtle way, set up a date, and enjoy getting to know her!

QUICK TIP
Take her for lunch, not just coffee, and don’t forget to carry a sunflower. Just one, not the whole bouquet.

If she is an acquaintance/Classmate/Coworker?

Say you both met via a mutual friend or she is your classmate in music sessions or even your next-door neighbor – if you know her, it gets complicated.

Because if you ask her out and she says a no, she will still be around.

So, be very careful.

Start slow, ask her what she is doing on weekends, and play it cool. In this case, a wine date works better than a coffee date.

Booze loosens everyone and girls are often interested to give you a shot if there is free beer in the bet.

If she is your friend?

This is the most sensitive situation of all.

If you ask her out and she says a no, you are likely to lose a life-long friendship.

On the flip side, if you ask her out and she says a yes, you get to date a girl you have already known for a long time.

So, what to do?

Be clear about your intentions and your message. Tell her clearly that you want to take her out on a date. Since you already know her, book a table at her favorite restaurant and order her favorite dish.  

She is just getting used to seeing you as a romantic partner, give her time, and keep your expectations in check.

Be a gentleman and try to show her the connection between you both but hey keep yourself prepared for the worst also!

If she is your Ex?

There’s nothing to do here.

Don’t. Ask. Her. Out.

Stop listening to Taylor Swift, get her out of your head, and go find a girl you really have a chance with!

With this, you are halfway there.

You know the rules, process, and even the chances of success.

To double-check the yes, here are some more tips on how to ask a girl out.

Do’s and Don’ts for – How to Ask a Girl Out?


1.  Simplicity is the key

Simplicity is the key
Simplicity is the key

It might seem really adorable when guys in the movies jump oceans to wow her.

But this is real life, and here girls like men who are natural and confident.

Don’t try to impress her or blow cheesy pick up lines on her face. Instead, be what you are and keep reminding yourself she is as lucky because you asked her out.

2.  Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it
Photo: Harry Parvin

Confidence is important but not so easy to develop.

In that case, there’s no harm in faking a little.

As I said, girls love men who are confident in their own skin and if it’s getting hard for you to get that aura: start behaving.

Even psychology says that if you approach situations with built confidence, eventually your mind reinforces that feeling and behavior.

3.  Be mindful about the place and time

Be mindful about the place and time
Be mindful about the place and time

Ofcourse, timing is the key to score a surefire yes.

Even when you have practiced the line 100 times over, your offer can fall flat if your timing is wrong.

Say suppose you spot her at an apparel store and ask her out there, do you think you will get your desired answer while she is in a hurry.

No. Not at all.

So, know when is the good time to pop the big question and plan your activities accordingly.

4.  Your intention matters

Your intention matters
Your intention matters

A lot.

You want to go out on a date with her, book a place. You want to know her more, make an effort. You want to ask her out, say it.

Don’t beat around the bush in the fear of rejection.

Man-up and learn to be straightforward.

Now that you have approached her, don’t turn around. It will only make your chances grim. The key to asking a girl out successfully is to be sincere and clear.

5.  Don’t fear rejection

Don’t fear rejection
Don’t fear rejection

Here’s a fact:

Rejection is normal and as much a part of dating as is acceptance.

A real man knows how to handle it and let the girl be.

So, if you have gotten a no, don’t force her into it, don’t follow her, and learn to accept it. Don’t take it personally and don’t let it affect your self-esteem.

It’s not a big deal.

Your gorgeous yes is on the move, and you will eventually find her.

6.  Learn to be patient

Learn to be patient
Learn to be patient

You are asking her out for a date.

Not an interview.

So, give her time to process the question. Don’t keep poking her for an answer. You don’t want to overwhelm her to a point that she blocks you.

As it’s said, everything’s better when you have to wait for it.  

7.  Make her laugh

Make her laugh
Make her laugh

If the girl laughs around you, she will be more interested in dating you – research admits to that!

Making her laugh doesn’t mean you need to crack baseless jokes or do insane stuff; it just means you need to be fun!

Keep the vibe relaxed. Smile, laugh, and loosen up a bit.

If you know the art of self-deprecating, turn it into your favor.

Laugh at your own self and let her revel in your charming sense of humor.

8.  Focus on building connections

Focus on building connections
Focus on building connections

If you have built a connection before asking her out, there’s a significantly higher chance she will say a yes.

This is because she already knows you and trusts you.

So, say suppose if you both are in the same office and already have fun with each other. You can ask for her phone number in an office party, and if she is not hesitant to give it to you – it’s a good sign.

Take it forward!

9.  Small talk is NOT harmful

Small talk is NOT harmful
Small talk is NOT harmful

It’s probably the first time you are hearing it.

But that’s the truth.

There’s no harm in asking how her day went by, or she likes her pasta. As long as she knows you are putting an effort, you are good!

10.  Take extra care of Hygiene

Take extra care of Hygiene
Take extra care of Hygiene

Read it again. And again.

Read it until it is registered in your system.

Brush your teeth, apply your best deodorant, and trip your beard.

Girls just can’t tolerate bad hygiene.

Best Ways to Ask a Girl out


There are several ways to do it.

We have already discussed the usual, that is, walk up to her and say it.

But nowadays, girls expect a little more.

Plus, if you pick a creative cute way to ask your girl out, she wouldn’t be able to say a no. Like who can scrap a handwritten note?

That said, here are a few creative ways to ask a girl out:

1.  Write a note

Write a note
Write a note

Handwritten notes can never go wrong. While the whole world is lost in texts, slip her a note with a message that says ‘Will you go out on a date with me? Check yes if you do or simply dump the paper.’

This school-days kind of a proposal will bring back the butterflies!

2.  Buy tickets

Buy tickets
Buy tickets

If you know about her favorite band or favorite singer, buy tickets for her and show up on her desk. Pop the question with the hard copy of the tickets.

This will also make her realize that you pay attention to what she says.

3.  Say it with flowers

Say it with flowers
Say it with flowers

A bunch of flowers has been the oldest ṣtic gesture that works even today. Find out what appeals to her the most – roses, orchids, sunflowers or something specific. Pick them up from the nearby florist and ask, ‘Hey beautiful, can I have the pleasure to take you out this weekend?’

It need not necessarily be a whole bunch, a single flower will also be enough!

4.  Ask with a Pizza

Ask with a Pizza
Ask with a Pizza

Looks weird but works. Just order her favorite Pizza and get it delivered at her doorstep along with a note. Be creative with the message with something like ‘How about we have one more pizza together next week?’

This is your best pick if you want to appear creative.

5.  Get her a coffee

Get her a coffee
Get her a coffee

If the girl is at your workplace, this can work wonders. At the end of the day, when she is tired of working, bring her a coffee at her desk with a note of encouragement.

Let her take a sip to find out how spot-on her coffee is and then pop the big question!

6.  Make a plan especially for her

Make a plan especially for her
Make a plan especially for her

If you already know your girl, devise a plan tailor made especially for her like an event she wanted to go, an activity she wanted to try, or even a restaurant she wanted to visit.

The more specific you are, the better will be your chances.

7.  Volunteer together

Volunteer together
Volunteer together

This might seem too much but there’s nothing like it. Explore her philanthropic side while you propose to serve together. In the end, ask her if you can take her out for dinner.

This dinner date will be one of a kind.

8.  Sing a song

Sing a song
Sing a song

If you know how to sing, there’s nothing more adorable than dedicating a song to the girl of your dreams. Check her response to the song, if she is all happy – Ask her out it style!

Say something like, ‘How about I finish the rest of the song tomorrow at the restaurant?’

9.  Tie it around her dog

Tie it around her dog
Tie it around her dog

This, if executed well, is sure to put a smile on her face. If she has a dog and you both visit the same park to take your dogs for a walk, just tie a note around the neck of hers and wait for her to find it.

She is going to LOVE it.

10.   Stay Sober

Stay Sober
Stay Sober

If you both are handing out during happy hours, dodge the drinks and stay sober. As soon as she asks ‘Why are you not drinking?’, tell her ‘I wanted to be sober while I ask you out, will you go out for dinner with me?’

It’s one of a kind, pop-the-question proposal

You understood the how, but what about the when

When To Ask A Girl Out?


Like every other big decision in your like, there’s no right time to ask a girl out.

If you are not sure whether she likes you or not, here’s something that can help. 

On the contrary, If you feel she is interested, don’t wait for the big day to come knocking at your door.

Ask her out.

Yes or no – leave that to the moment.

If it’s a no, accept it and let go gracefully.

And if it’s a yes.

Then you must be already asking…

What On The Big Night?


She said yes!

YES!

But hey mate, the battle is only half won.

Let’s get you date ready with these few ground rules.

1.  Do your homework

Do your homework
Do your homework

Ofcourse.

After all, she didn’t say a yes for the usual ginger tea.

Make efforts and find out her favorite activity, movie, or even a dish.

She is going to notice every tiny little thing that you do, no matter how small it is. Make it count!

2.  Plan it to the T

Plan it to the T
Plan it to the T

You don’t want to appear messy right on your first date.

So, plan everything beforehand and surprise her with a perfect night.

Paying attention to small details like music, food on a lunch date or location on a movie date will help you prepare the ideal.

Remember, the first impression is the last impression.

3.  Listen. Listen and Listen.

Listen. Listen and Listen.
Listen. Listen and Listen.

Stop ogling at her.

Look at her eyes while you are speaking to her. Don’t let her feel, even for a minute, that you are not interested.

Also, don’t just hear, LISTEN, actively. Participate and ask follow-up questions.

This will tell her that you are really interested in knowing her.

4.  Don’t rush for s*x

Don’t rush for sex
Don’t rush for sex

While there’s no harm to it, if there’s mutual consent. 

But, sex just after first dates gets a little messy.

So, don’t force it if she’s not ready. Calm down the dancing libido and don’t blow things up because you couldn’t hold your desperation.

Trust me, it will hit differently when she is ready!

Confused about where to begin your planning.

Start here!

First Date Ideas

Pick one of these:

  • Go to an art festival or a concert
  • Plan a date in her favorite restaurant
  • Call her home and order in
  • Watch her favorite movie
  • Go to the nearby coffee house

Want more?

Here’s your master list of questions to ask a girl on the first date!

All set?

Ready. Set. Go!